I do realize I am getting increasingly unprofessional in this blog because I started it with the noble intention of writing about things that matter. And my last few posts haven’t been about things that matter.
But I must write and I need an avenue to release my latent…feelings. I cannot believe how a reasonably rational person can get so caught up in this. Maybe I will delete this post one day. Right now, I just need to proclaim it, for the sake of my sanity. I must have been really deluded to tolerate that kind of selfishness and narcissism. Tell me how narcissistic a person can get. For all the things I saw and liked, I must be crazy to think they can make up for this.
For the past weeks, I have been blindly bashing downwards, voluntarily or otherwise, trying to seek the bottom of my own abyss. Every single time I think I’ve reached it, I manage to sink further. It must be some kind of a bottomless pit. I pray it isn’t. Because I want to reach the bottom and then only can I stand up. I have no wish to dive head down forever because it is one hell of a sickening feeling (and I get really bad motion sickness).
I wanna scream, I wanna curse, I wanna throw something that breaks with a really loud crash. I want my life back. In one piece. The only concession I can offer is a discreet scar.
You never were the best for me. Said Daughtry in his infinite wisdom.