life and death.
I’ve been looking for controversial news articles about Singapore politics by news agencies abroad since 530am for the SC2214 midterms. And it just struck me that Chee Soon Juan would be exactly the type of person my parents won’t understand. Okay, not that it would take a giant leap of intellect to figure that out but I’ve never really bothered myself with him until just now. In fact, I recall my parents discussing about him years ago. Hmm frankly…they were puzzling over the discrepancy between his publicized ‘antics’ and his profession (which in their opinion should warrant more mature behavior). But I wouldn’t blame them. Where did they get their news from? Singapore media.
So I should have paid more attention before judging him but I’m apathetic. Now that I’ve gotten all my information from the correct sources (I hope), I rather admire his ideals. What could have inspired a man to fight so hard for democracy in a place where few others cared? In his words, he would persevere even in the face of a lifetime’s bankruptcy. And he’s almost a lone warrior in this war. How many of us could claim to join him? I wouldn’t. Truthfully. I won’t pretend to be noble. If push comes to shove and I really find my ideologies incompatible with what my country has to offer, I would simply pack my bags and leave.
But I think it is people like him who live a worthy life. Because when we combust into nothingness, what is left of us is all that we have fought for and believed in. We are nothing but our ideals. Don’t tell me about all that afterlife, next life, past life stuff. What we have is only here and now and causes we believe in. Chia Thye Poh – exiled for 23 years. We might look at these people and wonder what the hell they were thinking. Why can’t they just bite their tongues and pretend to obey? But they might be looking at us, laughing, knowing in their hearts that people like us will live our whole weary lives without ever tasting the passion of a fervent belief. Sometimes, I wish I were a religious zealot just to feel that gusto, or even just that sense of solidarity with like-minded comrades. I would go to Church and cell groups, privately wishing hard to be converted but I can’t be convinced.
And then still, there are others who lead lives punctuated with sufferings that culminate in a premature truncation. I don’t know what to make of it. Except that it actually pains me. And why do dying people always claim to see people from their past who are already dead? I should probably look for scientific explanations right. Like hallucination, pre-death trauma whatever. But actually, when it comes to your loved ones, it is so much more heartening to use religion to explain things surrounding their deaths. I see why religion holds so much appeal. I mean, I’ve always known that but… It’s an opiate. And I’d rather be stronger than that, I want to.