where do i go now?

maybe corporate really isn’t me.

beginning to see that i might not be as results-oriented as i think. in the sense that i get hung up on the process and meaning of things rather than the end result of it..

like the minute i got wind of the viral going around with “i like it on…”, i just hated the fact that it’s so arbitrarily purposed for breast cancer awareness. or rather, i mean, in the opposite direction. how has where you like to put your purse any connection to breast cancer.

but then my friend has a point. as a viral campaign, it is successful. it has gotten millions of men aware of breast cancer. if their marketing objective was to drive awareness, well done!

but i just like coherence in ideas so much. maybe i approach it like art. and maybe that is why being in corporate could really kill me. i don’t think that is a place i can keep pursuing perfection in the means. because most times, in that place, getting it completely right isn’t the point.

while i am embroiled in this mess at work (of pleasing people mainly), i ask myself everyday, is this where i want to be 20 years down?

i don’t even like my prose now. and that would be the result of writing snappy emails every other minute.

i’ve lost the ability to sit down and brood. take time to write. to read and think. and chat.

it’s not like i don’t like to get things done. i do think i’m rather good at that. but sometimes, i fantasize sitting with a bunch of students and just talking about something…whimsical. just understanding. you know, something that maybe isn’t immediately pragmatic. but the really important stuff in life.

the really really important stuff.

not like “powder” behind skimmed milk.*

* “the ongoing powder crisis” at work that could, in all honesty, evolve into a huge existential debate.

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