these days, i’m drawn to create rather than write. it’s just this exuberance, this momentum, that comes from living for a cause. i know how important it is for me to believe in something outside of myself. and while this is all well for my disposition, it does nothing for my writing which thrives on misery.
in this trying period of exhilaration, i can’t help imagining how glorious it would be to live life on this constant high and though i think i might know the method to achieve this, do i dare? oh what am i talking about. of course i dare, it’s just – i don’t know how and i take far too long to recover from failure. i’m kind of lost here – like the geek who pored over 10 encyclopedias to master the theory of swimming only to find, at the edge of the water, a rush of theoretical concepts that don’t translate to practice. which foot to put in first, where should my arm be, do i bend my head like that, oh take a breath of air. what do i do??? (i can swim, by the way. i’m only hydrophobic. only of vast expanses of water. which means i’m a perfectly competent bathtub swimmer.)
i have 10 encyclopedias worth of fantastic advice and i am stranded in limbo. guess i must stop reading and stop thinking and just go. journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. and that one step is a hell of a bitch.
oh well. grumpy val will be back. watch this space.
books so far:
tipping point (ok, i know. it’s just i swore off malcolm gladwell with blink, which was my first attempt.)
x beyond good and evil, nietzsche (gave up, too difficult)
x presentation secrets of steve jobs (gave up, too boring)
anthem, ayn rand (really fascinating)
everything is illuminated, jonathan s. foer (WIP)